Things I'll Never Say
by L James
Summary: Better version now up at checkmated!Last day of school. PreOOTP, RH naturally.


I had and idea for this fic for a couple of days now, and I decided that it was a good plot and I should write it down. So here it is, an songfic to Avril Lavigne's "Things I'll Never Say", my new favorite song!

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!

Dis: I own nothing.

~*Things I'll Never Say*~

*********

It's tomorrow.

The day I've waited my entire life for. Well, the past seven years for anyway. 

You know, after all these years, you'd think that I'd be tired of this school. Tired of the schoolwork, tired of the worrying, tired of the pain. But I've really thought about it. Tonight, when I received my diploma from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I realized that this has been the only place in my life with a past. It was the first time I had friends, the first time I actually did well in school. Of course, my life outside school was wonderful, with two loving parents and a big, beautiful house. But it was here that I was really at home.

When I think back to that day in first year, that Harry and Ron came and saved me from the troll, I realized how lucky I was. I could have easily died that night, as well as many other times in the past few years. But fate was not against me, and I as well as Harry and Ron got through our schooling unscathed. Which was a miracle, considering……………………………….......well, the past few events.

What happened a month ago…………It's never talked about. After it happened, we went straight to Dumbledore, told him what happened, and that was the end of it. No one really knows what went on but Ron and Harry, since I was unfortunately knocked out right in the middle of the heat. It was enough of an experience, though, to show me where my loyalties lie.

And, to my own surprise, it's not with my work.

That's right, perfect Prefect Head-Girl Hermione Granger is not the least bit concerned with her work. She, of course, would get a job and make a profitable living for herself. But she wanted more that just a profession. She wanted her own cozy cottage, like her parents. She wanted a white picket fence. She wanted a garden. She wanted little red-headed children running around the front yard. She wanted his big, strong arms around her, his face in her hair. 

Hermione Granger wanted a family. More than anything she ever wanted in her life.

Ugh! Look what he does to me! Makes me start talking in the third person! Honestly.

Ron Weasley was, and always will be, my best friend. But I often wonder what happened that night with Voldemort. I've never actually seen him. Harry has, of course, and so has Ron. When I came to, he was as pale as a ghost, looking down at me so scared he looked in danger of losing his life to fright. I'm sure it was a trying experience. I still wonder how he and Harry did it. 

But that memory of him looking down at me, so fearful, has never left the back of my mind. I just hope tomorrow we can enjoy our last morning and manage not to forget anything.

And manage not to cry.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The end! It's not in Hermione's view anymore. It's just normal. Enjoy the fluff!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hermione?"

Sighing, the brown haired girl turned around, tearing her eyes away from the steaming scarlet train. Her hair was unusually puffy, from running her hand through it so many times. Her robes were a little rumpled, and her eyes were a little glassy. However, she smiled as she walked over to her best friend.

"Hello, Harry."

He could tell she was fighting her composure. With everything that had just happened, he was surprised that she wasn't hysterical. Smiling in return, he walked over to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked as they watched the Hogwarts Express chug slowly away from the platform.

"Nothing." she said wistfully, staring off into space. She felt bad not having a real conversation with Harry; after all, she wouldn't be seeing him until God knows when. He was off to play Quidditch with England as his full time career. Ron, on the other hand, was planning on joining the branch of Magical Games and Sports with the Ministry. Hermione was happy for him, of course, but she couldn't help but wonder…………..

The day had brought back so many memories of laughter, tears, and grief. The defeat of Voldemort had only just occurred, and the past three years were lived in shadow and grief. Many had been injured; more had died. The wizarding world was on the mend now, and there was still much trouble on the road ahead. Would their friendship fade? Could the distance really tear the dream team apart?

She paused, then took his hand. He couldn't help but notice that it was cold and shaking slightly. "Harry, what's going to happen to us?" she asked suddenly.

Taken aback, Harry looked at her puzzled. "Nothing! I mean, we're going to owl each other right?"

She sighed. "Well, yes, of course. But……….."

"Hermione," he grabbed her shoulders and she found herself looking into two piercing green eyes. "Listen to me. You are one of my very best friends. You will always BE one of my very best friends. Just because I'll be traveling doesn't mean that I won't see you. I'll write as often as you want. Hell, I'll write you every day if it makes you feel better." she laughed lightly and playfully smacked his arm when he chuckled. 

"I'm not even going to scold you for your mouth, Potter." she said with a giggle as they rolled their trunks away from the tracks. They settled down on a bench by the brick wall. They sat in silence, knowing that this would be the last time they talked face to face in a long time. The awkwardness was too much for Hermione to take. She threw her arms around his neck, bawling into his shoulder. "H-Harry!!! Oh, God, I'm going to MISS you!!!!!" 

And instead of being embarrassed and having his face turn seven shades of red, Harry ignored the crowd and hugged her tightly back. They sat there hugging for more that five minutes, completely ignoring the looks from people around them. Harry was still surprised at how stiff she was. It was like she was holding on to him for dear life.

He kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry, Hermione. I'll see you at Christmas break." he pulled back and looked at her streaked face. "Please don't cry, Herm. You want to remember this as a great day." He smiled warmly. "'You graduated from Hogwarts.' Isn't that what you've always wanted?" he whispered.

She sighed, and unfolded her arms from around him. She looked away ashamed, and began involuntarily twirling the hem of her robes. "It's always been what I've dreamed. But It's not the only thing I've dreamed of. And I certainly didn't want us to be so far apart."

"I know that," he said softly as he watched Lavender and Parvati hugging and crying about ten feet away. "But sometimes life takes you in a different direction than what you think you have planned for yourself."

She chuckled. "Don't we know that." 

More silence.

"Hermione, what else could you have possibly wanted besides graduating?" Harry asked.

The instinctive answer shot into Hermione's mind. But she sighed nevertheless. "Something I could never, ever have."

The crowds of parents and students had diminished noticeably, leaving only a few scattered first years here and there. A tall, black haired man stood out in the crowd, and waved to Harry when he caught his eye. He motioned for him to follow as he disappeared behind the barrier.

"There's Sirius. I have to go." He stood up, and gave her another tight hug. "I'll owl you as soon as I get to the house."

He gave her a half smile, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You're my best friend, Harry. I love you."

"I love you too, Herm."

With a last smile, Harry departed into the Muggle world.

She stared at the empty brick wall until it was too clouded with tears for her to see.

Her best friend of seven years had just left to start his life. He was rich, famous, handsome and bright. He had a career set up for him, with a loving godfather who would give his life for him. 

She, on the other hand, had nothing.

Her parents had been attacked two years before. Voldemort had gotten her location and burned her house to the ground……….her parents in it. All her possessions, all her childhood memories………gone. In an instant. The initial shock was a lot to bear, but her fellow Gryffindors were a lot of help. They were there for her always, and Lavender and Parvati were even so nice as to throw her a surprise 15 the birthday party. Ginny had shared her secrets with Hermione, and they had become close friends.

But one Gryffindor stood out in the crowd………………..

She rolled her trunk silently across the platform, the tears streaming steadily down her cheeks. Hermione breathed raggedly. 'Don't look back,' she told herself, 'It'll just be harder. That's the past, you need to focus on the future!'

The presence of a hand on her shoulder made her heart stop. It was big, warm, and familiar.

She turned slowly (which she had just vowed NOT to do) and looked up.

It was Ron.

"Hermione……" he said carefully.

Her tears became replenished as a whole new wave flooded her face. "Ron." she replied surprisingly steady.

I'm tugging at my hair

  
I'm pulling at my clothes

  
I'm trying to keep my cool

  
I know it shows

  
I'm staring at my feet

  
My cheeks are turning red

  
I'm searching for the words inside my head

"Erm……..Ginny wanted to say goodbye to you. But, um, she had to say 'bye to Harry……."

Her heart dropped. Didn't he want to say goodbye to her? Didn't he care? She laughed inwardly. Sure, like he cared! If he cared, he wouldn't have ignored her for the past two years.

"What's so funny?" he asked all of a sudden.

She realized her inward laugh was not inward too late. They teardrops subsided long enough for her to become angry. She shrugged his warm hand off her shoulder. "Why do you care?" she said softly, a look of pure venom in her eyes. "You haven't cared for the past two years!"

"I have good reason to be mad at you."

(Cause) I'm feeling nervous

  
Trying to be so perfect

  
Cause I know you're worth it

  
You're worth it

  
Yeah

Hermione was ready to explode. Her day was going quite well until her FORMER best friend had to come and ruin it for her. "You believe that I would DO something like that?!??!"

"All the evidence points to YOU Hermione! There's no other explanation THERE!!!!" He roared, now attracting the attention of all the leftover students.

"And you believe what that Skeeter woman says over your best friends word?!"

"Yes! I had no other CHOICE!!!!!!!!!"

The words rang in the air for a moment, seeming to echo off the brick walls. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, and George were staring at them now from about fifty feet away, wordless.

She didn't yell at him. She didn't scream at him. She didn't even look at him. "In my entire life," she whispered, almost to herself, "I've never ever dreamt of harming another human being. And being blamed for killing my best friend's brother was the most horrible thing that's ever happened to me."

Trunk in hand, she turned her head towards the barrier.

"It hurt."

Ron's choked voice made her turn around. She wasn't angry anymore. Swallowing her pride, she reached out and took his hand. "What?"

He looked at his feet, embarrassment flooding his face. "Everything. Percy's death. Mum's disease. The Crutacious."

Hermione sighed. "I'd never have told him where Percy was. You should have known it was Pettigrew, Ron." He looked across the platform to see his parents, Ginny, and George had gone. "And your mum. God, how I wish it wasn't her. She didn't deserve to have to go through that at such a rough time."

"I know."

The unspoken words of thanks hung in the air awkwardly. "I could have died under the Crutacious you know." Hermione said at last.

"Of course I knew." Ron replied. "That's why I took it for you."

"There were so many bad memories…………I would have been dead before I hit the ground."

"'Mione, that's not funny."

" I know it's not. But it's the truth."

They had gradually inched closer as the conversation wore on. Hermione was looking away, trying to forget all the old thoughts that were running through her head.

If I could say what I want to say

  
I'd say I wanna blow you away

  
Be with you every night

  
Am I squeezing you too tight?

  
If I could say what I want to see

  
I want to see you go down

  
On one knee

  
Marry me today

  
Yes, I'm wishing my life away

  
With these things I'll never say

Whirlwinds of thoughts were coursing through her head. Everything with her friendship with Ron was so confusing………….Why couldn't it have been simple like hers and Harry's? There was so many things she wanted to say, but couldn't. It was too hard for her to think about it.

"Mione, please don't cry."

She whipped up her head abruptly, realizing just now that she was indeed crying. Furiously wiping at her eyes, she turned her back to him. "I'm not crying." She regretted how cold her voice was.

"I've made you cry so many times. Believe me, I know when you're crying." he replied from behind her. Instead of sounding light, his tone was oddly serious.

She sat down on her trunk, back still facing him. She looked off into the distance, no families left on the barren platform. It made her feel ten times more alone. "It's not like you care."

Expecting a rude response, she was shocked to hear him sigh. "If you only knew."

Again, confused thoughts buzzed about her brain. "What are you talking about?" She faced him now, seeing that he had his back to her. Ron was facing the countryside, watching the blades of grass sway aimlessly in the wind. "You really don't know what happened that night, do you?"

His voice was oddly strained. "Harry's never told me." she said quietly.

Ron crossed his arms. "Voldemort was down. Harry and I were standing over him, and we asked if he had any last requests before we blew him to smithereens." although this may have seemed like a funny comment, they both stayed quiet. "All he did was smile. It was the freakiest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. It still bothers me to this day."

"After we killed him, I knew why he was smiling. When we turned around, all the Death Eaters were gone. But you were laying face-down on the floor. When we got over there, My worst fears came true." His eyes became glassy, and he didn't say anything from there.

She walked over to where he was standing, and put a hand on his shoulder. "Ron," she coaxed, "What's wrong?"

He turned slowly, a perplexed and horribly awful look on his face. "You were dead, Mione. You were dead."

If there was anything she was expecting to hear, it wasn't that.

Hermione froze, his eyes locked in hers. She couldn't react, she couldn't think, she couldn't move.

His eyes dropped, and Ron turned his head. "We were standing there, just looking at you for the longest time. I couldn't believe it. It just didn't click. You couldn't just die. Harry was in shock, too."

"I cried, 'Mione. I cried like I've never cried before in my entire life. Harry never told anyone. He never even told Ginny." 

She let his comment sink in. He cried for her? But why was he so mean to her for so long? Why couldn't he have been her friend?

"How did I survive?" she blurted, a little too quick for her own liking.

He gave her a half smile. "I have no idea. I was just holding your hand, praying that you would live. And the next thing I knew, there you were, staring back at me." He suddenly became serious, and took both her hands firmly. His piercing blue eyes bore into hers. "It was the greatest miracle in my entire life."

She gasped suddenly, as more tears began swimming down her cheeks. Her mind was abuzz with questions waiting for answers. Before she knew what was happening, the pair of warm arms she dreamt about wrapped around her tightly. 

"I'm so sorry, 'Mione." He mumbled into her hair as she sobbed against his shirt. "I'm so sorry for not being you friend. I thought it was my fault. That you were angry with me for letting you fall, unprotected. It was the worst feeling in the world to watch you every day alone, or with Ginny. I missed our bickering so much." he chuckled a bit at the last part, earning a smile from her.

"It wasn't your fault." She said as she wiped a few tears from her eyes. "It was because of you I survived."

Ron looked away. "No it wasn't. You weren't done doing everything on earth. Your dreams weren't fulfilled. I knew you weren't ready to die." 

She sighed. "I guess none of my dreams came true."

"Oh?" he pulled back in mock astonishment. "I thought one just happened last night?"

She laughed a little at this. "Yes, being Valedictorian of Hogwarts was one of my dreams. But that wasn't the most important."

Before he could respond, however, a little old wizard hobbled up to them moodily. "Excuse me, but could you please continue your little snog-fest outside the platform? The barrier is about to close for the holiday."

They broke apart quickly, both blushing to the roots of their hair. "So sorry," Hermione apologized quickly, grabbing her trunk. With a mumble on the lines of "Sorry" from Ron, the two passed through the barrier for the last time. 

Hermione and Ron found themselves facing each other in the midst of the bustling train station, with Pig hooting mercilessly in his cage from behind. There was a faint glimmer of a few red-headed Weasleys in the distance. 

"Well," Hermione choked, "I guess this is it."

"Yeah," he replied, looking at the ground.

The image of Ron in front of her, studying his feet, brought back the mental picture of the eleven year old boy she first met. The wave of nostalgia hit her so hard she was overcome with dozens of emotions: Grief, sadness, jealousy, hate, love. Before she knew what was happening, she had grasped him into a bone breaking hug. "Goodbye, Ron. I love you."

But instead of the smile and response she had received from Harry, Ron froze in her arms. He pulled back slowly, his face slack. It was a mix of shock, disbelief, and stray tears. "What did you say?" he whispered anxiously.

For a moment she didn't know what to say. Could he……………….? No, it was impossible.

"I said Goodbye, Ron." She replied tactfully, "I know we'll be owling but I still won't be seeing you for a very long……."

"No," he cut her off sternly. His voice became quiet again. "The other thing." Ron said softly.

Her breath caught in her throat as he looked in her eyes. They were so deep, and blue……he held so many more questions than he was asking. "I--I said…….I said that I love you." she finally choked out.

Their faces were inches apart. His breath was warm against her cheek. Ron's eyes fluttered closed for a moment, afraid of what was to come next. But he didn't move away. "Do you?" he muttered into her ear.

The tears cascaded down her cheeks willingly. Her face broke into a smile that was so wide she thought her face would break. Those three little words had such a different meaning when it came to Ron. She loved him so much more than a friend. "Yes……." she breathed.

It was the most wonderful, electrifying, passionate, exhilarating moment in her entire seventeen year life. She dreamt of this for three whole years, and it was nothing like she had imagined. The world dissolved, leaving her dizzy, lightheaded, and feeling like she could fly. Just like with Harry, it didn't matter that people were staring, or smiling, or cheering; it just mattered that they were there, sharing their first real kiss.

He pulled back, wearing that most endearing lop-sided smile she loved. "Was that a dream waiting to come true?" He asked.

She beamed back, twirling her fingers in his bright red hair. "Well, hopefully it's only the beginning."

A/N: AWWWW!!!!!! Totally fluff packed for your romantic enjoyment. It was great to write, but I really must get back to writing my other fics. I've been putting them off, and I know some people are very upset with me for not updating! Don't fear, they'll be updated soon! 

REVIEW!!!!! I love you all! J 


End file.
